Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
