It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
