piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
