Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
