I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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