It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
