she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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