i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Pants are for mortals
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
