hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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