my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
