Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
