its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
