I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
