i was rollin on her like bob the builder
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
