I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
