I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
