...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
we have pet lesbian snakes
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
