he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Randomize
