Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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