I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
