take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
