At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
