Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
