Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
