I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
