He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
