Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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