I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
