About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
