no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
