Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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