i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
