areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
