i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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