That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
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