I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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