he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
