Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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