Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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