he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
