Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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