It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
