Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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