I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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