what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
