dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Found the puke drawer
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
