I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
