just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
