My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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