I'm passing your future prison.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
