I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
