Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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