took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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