I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
